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Finally Answering the Feedback Question

One of the hallmarks of a millenial is that we don't take feedback very well.  We roll our eyes, stare blankly at the person or just flat out don't listen. And when someone asks how we would prefer to get feedback there is no response. Literally we can't articulate what they want. Over generalization? Yes, but think about it feedback or constructive criticism is judgement no matter the word choice. It is a threat to the way others see our value. Trying to answer that question may be easier if we think less about what is being said and more about how it is said.

Many managers see their success as a reflection of yours. This is great when you do something outstanding, but the same is felt when shortcomings are exposed. Anytime feedback is provided with the goal of getting someone to better meet a manager's needs rather than being responsive to theirs, the outcomes will be less than desired. Managers are more likely to be reactive, insensitive and even hurtful.

Failing to hold the other person's value makes it feel like an attack. The immediate response is then to defend, and not to absorb what you are hearing.

It makes more sense to think about offering feedback in an exploratory way--a honest inquiry and opportunity for learning for both people--with a careful eye to not be condescending.

Watch for things we do, and then comment "I noticed you did X, Y and Z to solve that problem and they worked really well"    Or, "I realize you are worrying about  X situation ,and I was thinking that if you tried  A, maybe it would work."  In other words, confirm who we are when commenting specifically on good things, and don't put suggestions in terms of something that we should do to correct a problem, but take the suggestion onto yourself ("I was thinking about"  instead of "you should do this").  So when something is said, and it is in a couple of sentences, not a half hour lecture, you are more likely to absorb and learn!

Getting Fit as a Couple

Keeping a Strength Training Routine